Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
