he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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