So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
