I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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