Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
