How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
