Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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