Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
