i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
