Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
