I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
