3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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