Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
