did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
