If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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