I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
