he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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