I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
