Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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