That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
