I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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