the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
