My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
