Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
