The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
