Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
