She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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