So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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