Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
