She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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