cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
foreskin is a definite game changer
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
