you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
