Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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