i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
