please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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