Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
