we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
