We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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