so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
