she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
