you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
