Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
