Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
