I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
