10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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