I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
