I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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