Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
