You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
