My Higher Power is John Stamos
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
