Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
