I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
