Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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