My underwear smells like fireworks.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
